Telling you I've moved on, I lied.. I was once envied by people and they start coming up to me telling me "You 2 have the couple look", "so compatible" , "so sweet!" .. But As time goes, I realized, my heart turned bitter and sour.. I wanted tell them.. I envy you all. I lost my smile.. I miss it. But when it ended, I miss you. I miss our sweet and happier times.. I really miss you. Lately, I've been thinking of what to do. I kept using weird ways to make myself happy and make myself look as though I'm no longer bothered..

But deep down..

I'm hurt..

Today.. When I saw all the Display pictures changed, my heart sank. I know memories have to leave me one day.. But.. this 1 year plus relationship is one of the relationships that I could do anything for. I'm not afraid to go against the world. I'm not afraid of anything.. But I'm so tired of chasing for you already.. I can no longer do it anymore..

People now come up to me and ask " Did you get torture? " and "why you lost so much weight?" I've no idea what to say. I can't say the illness i told you once. I trusted you to takecare of me.. But in the end, our relationship got worse. I dont want to beg you to takecare of me or care for me anymore. Be it be a pillar or my shoulder.. I'm really tired yet I still love you.. How can my life be full of contradictions.. Why is my world full of unpredictable roller coasters?

I'm trying to act like I'm satisfied and contented with my life on twitter, blog (Roses district@blogspot) or instagram, etc. But every now and then, I wish you could embrace me once more..
I removed most of the things we used to have together, one by one (bands, photos).. My heart broke into pieces gradually. I've lost my sense of direction. Am I supposed to be a fool or acting like I'm strong? My heart is broken. I really want to get this stone out of me .. It hurts..



I really dont know what to do. I love you yet it brings pain. Why do you suddenly change? Why can't you be like how you used to be? The caring man who worries I won't have a cake. Worries that I will be sad because you knew how much i hated my birthday. Worries one day my tears will overwhelm me. Where are you, Martin.. I love the boy before my birthday and one month after.. I'm sorry. You once told me I was the one who caused you to be heartless. I'm so sorry. Is my sin. Im sinful. Now I just want to tell you. Don't be so heartless anymore.

For your future girl. She will be the happiest girl on earth. Dont be so heartless. Love her like how you once loved me and held me tight to your arms.

xx
Yuting.